Over my years of attending church, I often experienced bullying, usually by those in authority. Let’s face it, an obese woman with a low self-esteem did not fit in a church which was trying to impress the outside world. It did not want to attract people like me, after all I looked like a loser.
I was taught that regular church attendance, submission to its authority and confining myself to the relationships within the church was what God intended and the only way to be assured of a safe landing in heaven. That meant I had to put up with the way my church treated me to be a Christian.
Looking back, perhaps the mistreatment was a way to make me change or discourage me from attending, but it didn’t work. I was used to being bullied; it was part of my life as a child. I saw it as a necessary part of belonging in my family. Afterall, they paid my way, sent me to school and fed me, so it was just part of life.
Attending a church where I was mistreated seemed perfectly natural. And, believing in a god who used it as a tactic for submission seemed right. This god required that I attend two services on a Sunday, church events during the week and tithe for the privilege of belonging. He also looked down on psychologists, worldly music and television. I had to remain pure of mind. Demeaning treatment kept me submissive to the church doctrine and to those who were in control.
Over time, I began to question why love was not the modus-operandi of the church. I was told that it was a requirement for every Christian woman to be submissive to a man. My choice was submission to a male leader of the church, marry a man or submit to my father. At the time, none of these appealed to me, particularly if it meant more bullying.
Now I know that love would not expect me to endure bullying or any mistreatment for its sake and I have found permission to choose to remove myself from these situations.
Are you being bullied? Please don’t think that in enduring mistreatment you are doing good. Instead, you may be enabling abusive behaviour.
In love, Jenny
