I am sure you have experienced times of great anxiety. Times when you are overwhelmed by fear. I know I have been frozen in fear and unable to make decisions. Fear is like that; it can be immobilising. With it comes other emotions such as guilt and shame, which are at the core of the immobilisation.
How often do we try to generate internal motivation by threatening ourselves? New year’s resolutions are fraught with this behaviour. We tell ourselves: the time to make a change is now, or else! But, over the days and months after the threat our motivation is lost.
Fear can only motivate for a short period of time, because fear is a response to impending doom, and we are not built to cope with this for an extended period. Think sabre-toothed tiger and imagine running from the fear. How long would you last? Only a short time, I’m sure.
So it is with our lives. I cannot make the distance with fear as the motivation. For me it ends up in a ball of shame and guilt. Guilt, because I have failed and shame because I see myself as inadequate as a person. Have you experienced this?
It surprises me how often this form of motivation is still used. Enter Fundamental Christianity, where the fear of God’s rejection is used to force the submission of its believers, who tense under the weight. What about those of us who have suffered from obesity? Again, friends and medical practitioners use shame and fear-based comments to motivate us to change our habits. But it doesn’t work, often because we are using food to comfort our fears, so shaming only deepens the habit.
Lately, I have gained a fresh understanding of my own core motivation. I feared that I was not loved as a child and carried this into adulthood. This was at the heart of my eating disorder. But when I discovered what real love was, my life changed forever, and I haven’t looked back. Love gave me hope and to this I clung. It reduced my stress and enabled me to believe in myself and make healthy decisions.
Are you still motivating yourself with fear?
In love, Jenny