This week I am taking leave. It would be an understatement to say I am excited about it. My muscles are tight, and I am emotionally tired. In Australia, the financial year runs from July to June. As an accountant I am responsible for the financial management of the not-for-profit organisation for which I work. My job is one of deadlines, using money with integrity, paying employees, resolving all financial issues, negotiating, and preparing regular reports for board, management, and government.
But for this next week, I don’t have to think about this. The thought of getting out of bed according to my own body clock is a relief. My plan is to spend the week with my big boy, Dreamy the greyhound. We will most likely go for drives locally, hike together, garden and listen to lots of heart centring music. Today I started the week off by having a massage to loosen my tight muscles. Afterwards, Dreamy and I walked the Blue Lake with friends. I didn’t take a rain jacket for him or myself, hence the photo of his pitiful, partially wet face as he lay on my bed.
One of the outcomes of my journey out of obesity has been an increase in self-awareness. I am now more aware of my feelings and the way my body reacts to them. Tight muscles, a stooped back and sore tummy are the common effects of stress in my life, and I am acutely aware of the feelings behind these symptoms. In times of fatigue and when I am less aware of my feelings, I turn to my old way of coping which is to eat. But slowly I am learning to recognise the symptoms before it gets to this point.
With increased self-awareness, came a greater awareness of pain in the lives of others. It can be tiring, even overwhelming to consistently sense what others are feeling. Put simply, I feel you. You don’t have to say anything, I just feel you when you walk into the room. Just like my own feelings, I can sense your feelings. My feelings change as I connect with you.
I know I am not the only one who feels this. Many of us are burdened by the pain we feel and see in the lives of those with whom we interact each day, and it’s hard to pull ourselves away from this. But we must halt the desire to lessen the pain in everyone we meet, or we can lose ourselves to this pain.
So, I am taking the week off, away from my work so I can reconnect with my heart, focus on the love which lives within, and find peace. Walking in nature without the pressure of deadlines and pleasing people is appealing to me. Touching the soil while gardening is grounding and connects me with the love that binds us all together.
What about you? Do you feel burdened by the pain you feel in others? Give yourself space to find your own place of rest.
In love, Jenny
