My last two posts have been on singleness. As with the first, the last post has also sparked some interest. So, I am continuing the theme.
Is it possible to a close friend without sex? Over the years, my sexuality has been questioned because I have chosen to remain single. I have many female friends, and like most women, find their company a real comfort. But this does not mean I am in a sexual relationship with any of them.
In my book, Death by Chocolate Cake, I wrote about a very close female friend in whom I was seeking help for my emotional baggage. She was my lifesaver in a time of turbulence. The church I was attending at the time was suspicious of our relationship and watching every move we made. Eventually, they confronted my friend and told her that I was drawing her into a lesbian relationship. In this church, homosexuality was a sin and if our relationship was to continue, we were both going to hell! They prayed over our seats at the church imploring their god to break our friendship.
I cannot express how much damage that did to both of us. And it is for this reason I do not judge anyone for their choice of relationship. At the time, my mother was in the last few months of her life and had been moved to a nursing home. She was just 62. As my family were unsupportive and my church condemning of me, I fell apart and could not focus on work. Eventually, this led to me losing my job.
Since that time, I have worked through the issues surrounding my dependency on my friend. The conclusion I have come to is that there are many who think that intimacy and sex go hand in hand and that sex is intimacy. But I have found the greatest satisfaction to be in close relationships of the heart. That means I seek friendships for the sake of satisfying my heart rather than my sexual needs.
So, it is possible to have close friendships of the same gender and of differing genders without sex.
And for those who accuse others of relating inappropriately, it is none of your business what consenting adults choose to do in their relationships.
In love, Jenny