What a journey it has been. My weight loss pilgrimage has been a long one. Along the way the psychological and physical struggles of losing over 100kg have been relentless, but I am glad I persisted. From an aching body, sore legs and back, dietary issues and more, I have had my fair share of battles. The latest of which has had me stumped for some time.
Over the last two or so years I have found walking increasingly more difficult. The hunching of my back had increased, my lower back and hips were sore, and the numbness in my feet was worsening. I could not understand what was happening, so I asked for medical help. My doctor suggested a physiotherapist, who I have been visiting.
Interestingly, I could not get myself to do the exercises she had given me. I lacked the motivation to do the work she suggested to help myself. My frustration with myself led me to work through the reasons for hunching my back. This took me some time as I faced some untruths from my childhood which had been reinforced as I entered adulthood and, in my career, and church.
Let’s face it, no one wants to be morbidly obese, so there must be some reason for the behaviours which created the problem. After some soul searching, and acceptance of the real reasons for what I had been through, I stopped blaming myself and found the courage to move beyond this wall.
The next hurdle was to accept that the physical pain was created from my incredible weight loss. Since the surgeries to remove the flesh from the front and back of my body, I have lost more weight, particularly at the top of my legs. This has changed the way I walk. As an obese child, I developed a pattern of walking with my legs apart and feet out turned. With smaller thighs, this was no longer necessary.
Finally, I have found the motivation to do the exercises which will develop muscles which I have never used properly. This has taken pressure from other areas; I am standing more upright and the pain and numbness from my dysfunctional walking is going.
Why am I sharing this? Because the journey never ends. Understanding that the pain is due to positive changes in my body has given me the impetus to continue. Not all pain is bad. Sometimes it is created by positive change.
In love, Jenny
