I value my freedom and that is why I love being single. I can do what I want to do, albeit within reason. At home, the only ones I am answerable to are Dreamy and myself. And Dreamy is easy to please. Perhaps this is seen as a weakness, but however we choose to live is based on our experience and what make us happiest.
In my early years I attended a church which was family centred. As families are a complete package, I always felt on the outside when with them. Singleness was feared, often misunderstood and mislabelled in my church. Some assumed we were desperate for someone to satisfy our sexual needs. Hence, single women were viewed as a threat to marriages. Relationships between the unmarried were watched to prevent sex before we tied the knot. We were perceived as needy, as if we had something missing in our lives. The pressure for single females to marry a man was very real.
But is it any better outside the church? Most churches conform with what is culturally acceptable, so it’s pretty much the same everywhere else. Some single people are viewed as desperate and dateless. Widows are often seen as poor unfortunate souls who need help. It’s as if some angel should sweep in and rescue us from our helplessness, just like a boy scout forcing an elderly lady to cross the road so he can do his good deed.
Putting all this aside, my choice to be single has had some real consequences. One of the biggest for me has been loneliness. Looking back, I was afraid of myself and had to learn to like my own company. Nowadays, I am grateful for my close friends. Over the years I have found other singles with the same determination as myself. We understand each other and allow space but offer support when needed. Just having similar-minded friends is so assuring. The other problem is the need for help with practical things which are difficult to do on our own. Luckily, I have found an army of people with the right skills when I need them. Thank you to all of you.
To those who think singles need a partner, what are you are afraid of being without?
In love, Jenny
