There are many definitions for love, but I want to talk about the non-romantic kind, as this platonic love is one we all experience whether we are in a relationship or not.
As I see it, to show love to others I should seek to be understanding, caring and patient, not demanding, nor hold a grudge. It means I am not envious, nor will I brag about myself for the purpose of feeling superior nor enjoy someone else’s pain. Treating others with respect is integral. Showing love is without being rude or arrogant. My motivation is grounded in integrity. This may seem like a tall order, and I often fail, but it is my aim when relating to others.
My parents taught me that the way to show love was to do things for them. So, I sought their approval for what I did so that I was assured of their love. I learned to work hard as an expression of love towards them. For dad, this meant achieving well and pleasing mum. For mum it meant doing things for her which made her life easier. When I left home, they told me I was doing nothing for them. As I was no longer able to prove my love, I felt abandoned. This taught me to show my love for others by doing things for them and not cease until they showed recognition for it. I spent much of my life trying to earn love.
Proving my love for my parents led me to be arrogant, resentful and demanding, because I was doing it with expectation. It made me competitive, and, in my envy, I found joy in knowing that other members of my family were suffering. Over the years I have learned that my expression of love differs from my parents’ expectations. For me, love is in giving my time, sharing my heart and caring. Doing things alone is not always love. Love involves my intentions, too.
Perhaps this sounds harsh, but changing the way I love has given me freedom. I know I have given with the best intention and that matters to me.
What is love to you and how were you taught to love?
In love, Jenny
