After my last post about honesty, I dug a little deeper. I asked myself what has limited me from facing the truth about myself. Why did I run from reality so often in my early years? I concluded that the pain of facing my fears seemed too great to me at the time. It was a slow process of facing what I did not want to see.
But what are we afraid of? Oftentimes we hold ourselves back because of our own false beliefs. We fear being honest with our friends because they may react or reject us, when often we are the ones who do not accept our own thoughts and feelings. Years ago, I shared a personal struggle with my closest friend. I was nervous as I shared my deep thoughts, hoping I wouldn’t feel ashamed. To my surprise she struggled in the same way as me. That time was very healing for me, and it brought us closer and deepened our bond.
We have an innate need to connect with others, but fear holds us back. The root of our fear is often the belief that we are different, that our problems are unique. We think our motivations are unlike the motivations of others. But we all have times of dishonesty and lack integrity. No one is immune to this. It is a sad fact that our fear of being known prevents us from getting what we need the most, connection. The raw truth is that we are much more alike than we think.
Our competitive society has fooled us into believing the masks others wear, and we feel pressure to act as if we have it all together. Others seem to be successful, high achieving, composed, calm and collected, unruffled by the stresses that unsettle us, and we think should be the same. So, the game continues: we hide who we are and present a false self because we fear we will be found out for the imperfect and insecure person we know we are.
Scratch beneath the surface of anyone’s life and you will discover someone just as insecure and fearful as yourself. We are all the same. The antidote to this is to find safe others with whom we can be ourselves and take the risk of revealing those painful parts.
After all, we are all in this together.
In love, Jenny