Who are you?

For many years I tried to be someone other than myself. I wanted to be thinner, smarter, faster, but more than anything I wanted to be like a duck where comments just washed off me. This was fuelled by early trauma which had left a deep scar. I believed that I was unintelligent, and feared I was worthless, evil, and selfish. I ate to anaesthetise the pain and used the weight to hide behind.

My weight excused me from self-examination. I blamed it for so many things. It was the way I coped with pain. I could always say that someone did not like me because of the way I looked. Or perhaps I did not fit in or get that job because I was so obese. I even blamed my loneliness for it.

Naturally, as I lost weight, I felt more vulnerable. I had used my obesity to protect myself. I found that as my weight went down, so my layers of self-protection were exposed, and the self-examination process began. And with each new discovery about myself came the ability to maintain my weight loss at a new level.   

Looking back I can see the importance of self-examination and understanding in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Each change in the way I lived necessitated a change in the way I saw myself and how I handled my life. When it comes to major changes like mine, I believe that working through the reasons behind the unhealthy behaviour is essential to maintaining those changes.

My journey has been a journey to my true self. Over this time, I have noticed that my heart and head are more aligned. That is, what I think I am matches more truly what I know I am deep inside. This then has given me more peace.

What are you doing to hide your true self? What beliefs are keeping you from coming forward?

If you want a chat, please message me.

In love, Jenny

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