Once again, I have been pondering on what it means to conform. According to the Oxford Languages dictionary, to conform is to “behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards.” Every social setting has a different set of standards.
Because of my obesity, I found it difficult to conform to most sets of standards. At school, in the workplace, church and the world in general I simply could never fit in because of my weight. My hope was that if I lost the weight, I would fit in and finally be acceptable.
To my disappointment, my weight loss did not bring the acceptance I sought. There are three main reasons for this. The impact of morbid obesity in childhood cannot always be reversed, so I will always walk and stand differently. My lifelong food addiction and changes to my lifestyle mean that I eat differently from most others. In a social setting my dietary requirements make me stand out. Perhaps these seems trivial to some, but I have discovered that it does make a difference socially.
But what I had not factored in was that in overcoming obesity, my main motivation for losing weight would be lost. The inner changes to me as a person mean that I no longer need to conform, and I no longer need to seek outward acceptance because I have it within. I have found peace and happiness without the acceptance of others. My experience is that acceptance in our society does not create mental well-being, it may well create ill health.
Personal transformation does not lead to conformity, nor does it help us to fit in. Instead, it leads to authenticity, and authenticity means we do not conform because we become true to ourselves. This is not an easy way to live, as it can bring unexpected conflict. The very act of authenticity is an act of rebellion in our society. By default, authenticity means letting go of the expectations of others.
True transformation brings its own challenges. Remember this as you embark on your own journey.
In love, Jenny
