The fear of bullying for my obesity was one of the main reasons I chose to lose weight. As soon as I walked out my front door, I knew I was being judged. Often targeted and used as a subject of entertainment yet told that this was only my imagination.
It wasn’t until my first cup of coffee with a friend in public after the final surgery that I could see that my suspicions had been correct. Below is an excerpt from my book, Death by Chocolate Cake, page 191.
”…something was different. I wasn’t sure what it was. There was an unusual stillness in the atmosphere. I felt peaceful… As I looked around, I noticed others surrounding us under the same veranda enjoying their coffee and eating. Everyone was focussed on their own conversation, chatting over their food.
“No one’s staring at me?”, I asked Jean.
She looked around, “No, they are not.”
“What did they used to say?”, I asked.
She considered for a minute, then hesitantly said, “They’d mock and laugh.”
This wasn’t a revelation to me. I had always been aware of the stares, condemning glances, and mutters of mockery as I walked past.
I looked at Jean in sadness and said, “I thought so.”
For the first time I could remember, I was physically invisible. I did not stand out, nor was I of interest for my appearance. This meant I could be in public and meld in with the crowd, something I had yearned for. I was no longer a sideshow freak. No one was looking out the corner of their eye to take a quick peek at the fat woman. No one was judging me as lazy, irresponsible, and shameful. The feeling of constant exposure was gone. I was at peace.”
The change in my physical appearance has made a world of difference to how I am regarded by others. It is easier for me to eat healthy now because I am not treated as if I have no will power, so I continue to lose weight.
Let’s try not to judge. Instead, connect with others, and get to know them. My experience is that we often misjudge because of our own perception, and this does not always reflect reality.
In love, Jenny
