When I was young flypaper was commonly used as a fly trap. It involved a sticky strip of paper which hung from the ceiling, usually the light in the centre of the room. Flies were attracted to the paper and would get stuck. Over time the strip would be covered with bugs who had been lured to the trap only to be caught in its glue. These traps are still available at local supermarkets.
This week I was reminded of this type of trap when I became aware of the impact of my own guilt. Guilt is a trap which attracts rubbish which sticks to it. Let me explain. My early years taught me that I was not worthy, should be apologetic for my existence and to remember my place beneath others. Insects are attracted to this and stick to my guilt which becomes covered with these.
The insects are triggers. All it takes is a reminder that am not worthy in some way, or that I am less than another to activate this trap. My guilt is made heavier as I fail to let the negative comments and treatment of others, albeit some innocent, roll off. Over time I have bent forward and hunched over to accommodate this guilty burden. As the burden increases, I feel like a failure and become ashamed of myself. The trap has worked; it has set me up to accept further attacks of the same type. Because. the treatment seems familiar, I take it on, reinforcing the original belief.
Insects or flies are unwanted, just like hurtful comments or treatment. Sometimes there is no intention to harm, but not always. There will always be those who wish to lay their dirty load elsewhere. Like a heat seeking missile, they head toward the nearest soft place to lay their burden. Guilt is fertile ground for all sorts of negativity. It is like a funnel which leads negative words to the soul.
This week I realised that I have wasted much time fighting the filth attracted to my guilt. But the only way to stop these sticking to me is to get rid of the trap, that is I must tackle the source of my guilt. This week I faced the source, and I am happy to share that it has brought more freedom to my life.
What is your source of guilt?
In love, Jenny
