So, I have my car back; I missed the old girl! I pulled in front of the panel shop where she was fixed, and there she stood in the carpark all shiny and clean. I opened the driver’s side door and sat in the seat. It felt good, cosy, and I was immediately at home.
I instinctively looked for the clutch to put it into gear. To my surprise it was almost as difficult to return to my automatic as it had been to go back to a manual transmission. I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong as I searched for a hand brake like the manual I had been driving. Even though I had driven an automatic for the last 6 or so years, the 40 odd years of driving a manual was a habit that was hard to break.
This got me thinking about the biggest change I have made in my life – overcoming food addiction. Through my childhood I was addicted to sugary foods. My memories are still strong of the irresistible urge to rapidly consume the sweet delights and experience the rush it gave me. I would eat until nearly all the food was gone. Only then I would feel shame at what I had done, and hoped my parents would not discover my sin. It wasn’t until well into my 40s and many attempts to change the pattern that I could see there was a possibility of overcoming it. Having grown up with an eating disorder, I know how easy it is to fall back into the old patterns when things get tough. I now have a fear of eating sugary foods. In fact, I find myself avoiding high sugar recipes when I cook.
It is possible to change our brain, or mould it to think a different way. But it is always possible to fall back into the old ways, so it is a good idea to avoid anything that could trigger the old behaviour. Although overcoming addiction is tough and can seem impossible, I am glad I persisted. There is real freedom and pride when we overcome a behaviour that has affected our life like my food addiction affected mine.
Do you have any patterns affecting your life that you would like to change?
In love, Jenny
