According to author, Gary Chapman, there are 5 different love languages. He states that these are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts and words of affirmation.
For me, quality time is a priority when it comes to my close friends. Mostly, I like to share deeply with one at a time. Being with my friends is a priority and I like to create a safe space so that we can talk openly. Physical touch in the form of hugging and sharing a meal with those with whom I am close is also important to me.
When my love language is not met, I seek it in other ways. In the absence of physical touch, I have used food as a substitute. As a child healthy touch was not available and hugs were rare, so I ate. I would seek a hug from my mum who would give it begrudgingly. I learned to use food instead. In the same way I have used television when I wanted quality time.
Over the years as I have identified what I need as a human to be fulfilled, the less healthy behaviours have been replaced by better ones. One of the precious things in life is to give what we most need. In my case it has been developing close and trusted friendships, learning to listen to others and to hear their stories and giving space for others to recognise and express their feelings. These were absent in my early years. Creating community is also a product of my need for quality time and creating an atmosphere amongst others which is safe, and nurturing has become one of my strengths. Creating healthy meals and snacks is a way of meeting my need for physical touch. If it’s inappropriate to touch someone, then I find sharing a meal or snacks to be another way of showing love.
In my relationship with Dreamy, this has translated into giving him the assurance that I love him and will not abandon him. We share lots of hugs and enjoy being in each other’s company. Today we spent quality time at the beach where he took a dip in the sea. Then we went to a café where he had puppachino and I had a coffee. I get a great deal of joy and satisfaction from time spent with him.
What are your primary love languages? Do you feel satisfied? Can you find others who speak your language, or are there other ways to satisfy your needs?
In love, Jenny
