Intense guilt is a nightmare to overcome. I have struggled with it from time to time since childhood. It is a by-product of abuse I experienced as a child. Some things simply do not heal entirely. Thoughts of responsibility and failure have often dominated my mind, and at times they still do. This heaviness does no good to my mental health, nor my physical health.
But when are we experiencing too much guilt? Is there such a thing as false guilt? When is guilt necessary? These are difficult questions to answer, but I will do my best to share what I have learned.
Feeling some guilt and responsibility for our actions is healthy and necessary. We are responsible for our own life and guilt can be our conscience speaking to us. We know what is morally right and wrong, and it is important to follow this intuition.
However, it is too much when we are overwhelmed and immobilised by these feelings. This type of guilt is toxic. For me, this expressed itself though a lack of motivation and an inability to change. I suffered from depression and a physical heaviness. The stress from this guilt caused me to gain weight, and I chose to eat lots of unhealthy food for comfort. As a child I was immobilised by guilt and saw life through this emotion.
Toxic guilt gives us a false and distorted impression of ourselves and others. We are unable to see life as good, ourselves as valuable or worthy of love. This type of guilt is hard to overcome. We can feel suffocated by it.
What I have found is that when I am overwhelmed by toxic guilt and cannot find a way of getting out of the mindset, it means I have taken on responsibility for what is not mine; I have taken on too much. I see this as false guilt as I can only be responsible for my own actions, not the actions of others. I cannot change what I did in the past, I can only use the past to go on and do good in the future.
So, next time you are overwhelmed in this way, take some time out and give yourself a break. If you are suffocating in emotional despair over your failures, be mindful that you are not responsible for all things. Be kind to yourself.
In love, Jenny
